#37

Hello there,

First, let me tell you I’m listening to the wonderful Amelie Paulain’s soundtrack, track “Guilty”, to be exact.

Oh, no, it’s over now. Anyway, this one here is not to describe every track I’m listening to tonight (Oh, now it’s one of Valse of Amelie’s version. Ok, I’m gonna stop now).

Today I arrived early at home, had to leave before the class finished. I also ate two slices of yesterday’s pizza (?!? right ?!?). So, by only these small hints, you know it wasn’t a normal day.

Well, to be completely honest, there wasn’t a normal day these days. I’m starting to think I’m in some kind of “astral hell” or something, only my birthday is not any day soon. You would say i’m exaggerating, life is supposed to be hard, right? We’re supposed to have problems and get sad or angry trying to solve them. And most of them we can’t solve because it’s not enterily up to us. You are always so right.

That’s why I’m writing you today, friend. I need you, Mr. Right, to tell me what to do with life. If I can’t solve all of my ‘so called problems’, what should I do? How do I learn to live with them? Better yet, how do I learn not to think of them as problems? And by now you know some of them are emotional problems, right?

See, I thought I was on some other level now. I was doing what I wanted to do, and at some point I knew it wasn’t what I was expecting it to turn out. And I thought ‘ok, it is not that, but I can handle whatever it is’. And then, I knew exactly what it was, but still thought I could handle. I knew what was going to happen exactly, and still, when it did happened, I was heartbroken like I NEVER thought I would be at this point, you know?

Anyway, the point is: what is wrong with me? When and why did I lose the ability of controlling myself like once I could? Not fair. And now I’m just angrier with myself, to the point of not wanting to live with me anymore. How do I take a break?

I know I have too many questions this time, but I also haven’t ask too many questions lately (mostly because I thought I had it all together). Help me, master.

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